Things just keep on coming
Midterm exams are almost over. I thought things would finally be peaceful for a while, at least until before final exams in 6 weeks time. Philo of law midterms was the order of the day. Well, I did not know anything. I literally answered the test with not knowing anything. I just guessed each item and employed the shotgun method. I am going to fail for sure and I've been becoming accustomed to failing in law school already. No amount of preparation seem to be enough to even make you pass. There's nothing else to do. Keep on studying and hope somehow, that I would manage to pass. That's all I can do. Just keep on doing my part.
Everybody said law school would be hard and of course, there are things that have to be sacrificed. I knew my gimmicks would be gone and my free time would all be cosumed studying. But there are just things that you can never anticipate to come. I never thought that I will not only have to go through all the demands of law school but at the same time, have trouble with my personal life. I never saw this coming. There's nothing I can do but just keep on living, keep on hoping that things will eventually fall into place.
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Frustrations... Hold on... Hold on...
Midterm exams are almost done. Persons test was held last Monday and Crim was held last Friday. Only one major subject left and the rest are all minor subjects. I cannot believe that after all the hardwork and preparations in order to at least pass the midterm exams, I would still end up on the wrong side of the field. Tons of hours and effort spent in learning, reviewing and preparing for the exams were all done for nothing. I'm still going to fail. Whoever said that if you study hard, you'd get high grades was wrong. Try going to Law School. It does not work that way. The persons was manageable though it was filled with treacherous questions. I was expecting to do way better in Crim but I was so wrong. I feel that I did worse! Its not because I did not know the answers to the tests, its because the test was so long!! It was 21 pages and we were given 2 hours to answer and ascertain the facts of the different cases. It was so impossible to answer everything. Or it may have been possible but the answers would have been incomplete. Its just so frustrating and demoralizing that after months of hardwork and after days of intense preparation sacrificing everything, I still end up failing. I'm so frustrated.. I'm at the point of giving up.. I have to hold on.. I have to hold on.. There's still time to recover, there's still time to make up for the lost midterms. I just need to keep on believing on myself. I can do this, I can do this, and if in the end, I still fail, I cannot blame myself anymore. I did what I had to do and more. But I know that I can still make it. I can do this. I haven't failed all my life and I don't intend to start now.
Ostracized
My first midterms in law school is fast approaching. I cannot sleep anymore because I am so worried about it. Despite all the preparations, I fell that I will not do good. I cannot help but feel this way because I feel that no matter how much I study, it would not be enough.
I have been studying like there's no tomorrow the past few weeks. I have not been able to spend time with my friends, family and other important people. I feel so ostracized. I guess what everyone said about law school is true. Things are really different. Things become so hard. Everything comes with it. But then again, its not that bad. I never thought I would say this but I am enjoying law school despite all the hardwork and effort that I need to put into it. There is always something to look forward to every day. New challenges, new things.
No matter how hard things get in law school, there is always something bright. There is always something to look forward to. Despite the so many changes, things always have a bright side. :)
As I take my midterms this Monday, I can only hope that I would do good or fail with a high failing mark. That's all I can hope for. Whatever happens, I'll be there and just be happy.
So many questions
It's been almost 5 months since I have graduated from college. I used to think that I would live my life according to what happens. Where the sea brings me, I always go there. I bummed for several months after graduating. Enrolled in Law School after. And now, 2 months into law school and a big question is beckoning to be answered. Where do I go from here? I'm not sure if I want to be a lawyer. I'm not even sure if I have what it takes to be one and graduate yet again from the Ateneo. The only school I've been to and known since I was a little boy. Things seem so different. I am so lost. I do not know where I want to go. I do not know if this is the path I want to take. Everything seems so uncertain. For the first time in my life, I do not know what I want to do nor what I can do. The confidence I used to have with me is now gone. Now everything is a question for me. What if I did this instead of doing that? Can I survive? What can I do? Am I happy with my life?
I miss the times when I would just go to school and not think of anything else but having fun. But things have changed. Time has passed. Nothing is the same. It's like walking a long winding road without knowing the direction I want to go.
As I continue to live my life and desperately try to answer all these questions, I can only take refuge on this prayer. It's a prayer that has kept me sane in times of despair.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
